I asked the question in a past post entitled “You’re a Jerk” of whether it was easier to turn a trick/hoe into a housewife or a jerk into a gentlemen. The short answer I have found is that it’s impossible to do either.
I’ll start this post by first admitting that I know and befriend a lot of jerks. I like jerks for the same reason many other women choose to date them. They provide a certain level of adventure and social irresponsibility you can’t find very often. Jerks are always the life of the party and they have a natural way of always getting what they want. They’re often very brutally honest individuals and live a life carefree of what others may think of them.
The problem with dating jerks is that they’re socially irresponsible and seldom care how their actions affect others. To choose to date a jerk and be successful at it, you must also become a jerk yourself. Contrary to popular belief, this particular breed of human does have feelings but their feelings are not as developed as the normal person’s.
Jerks go through life caring about very little so when you nag and stress them about how they hurt your feelings when they overslept and missed your graduation, their response will often be that of nonchalance. It’s not that your feelings don’t matter, they just don’t grasp why you care so much when they couldn’t care any less. Think they’re not listening to you go on and on? Chances are they set the phone to the side hours ago and stopped listening at “I’m disappointed.”
Having any expectations at all of a jerk is just praying for disappointment. It’s not that they don’t wish to do for others, it’s just that if the expected action doesn’t benefit them they usually forget. Give a jerk a good enough incentive and it becomes on of their top priorities. Don’t be surprised, however, if the jerk tries to find a way to get the incentive without performing whatever action you requested or grows angered/annoyed when you withhold said incentive from them. Don’t give in. Jerks only respond to fellow jerks so be prepared to stand your ground.
Like I said earlier, jerks are used to getting whatever they want upon request. For whatever reason, people adore and worship jerks. Don’t believe me? Two words: Charlie Sheen. A jerk will never take a person who has their best interests at heart too seriously or into too much consideration. They need a challenge and someone who is willing and able to struggle back and forth with them in a game of emotional tug-of-war. They need this to exercise their mental because others who don’t challenge them provide them with nothing different. Everyone else becomes drab and disposable because they serve no new purpose.
“But he said he liked/loved me!” Of course he did, he’s a jerk. For however long you had his attention, you served your purpose and he moved on to something else. This goes back to where I said that jerks have feelings, just not feelings as developed as the normal person’s. Maybe he did feel that way for a bit and maybe he really did want the same things you did at one point, but after while that grew boring for the jerk and he no longer wishes to answer your phone calls. Again, he doesn’t grasp why you care so much when he couldn’t care less. Remember jerks are socially irresponsible so don’t expect them to filter any premature feelings they may have to obtain whatever incentive is on the table.
The question I often ponder is why someone can have all of the evidence that a person they are dating is a jerk and still choose to pursue the relationship and expect that person to change. If a jerk wanted to change, they would. You can’t save a jerk from themselves. They are perfectly happy individuals and until the day they decide that their lifestyle no longer suits their needs they will continue to be that way.
Here is my 2 cents: Embrace the person you’re with (jerk or gentlemen) and decide whether a relationship with them is in your best interest. Learn from your experience and make better decisions in your future but don’t try to change people or down them for not being the person you want them to be. It takes two people to make a relationship, but only one person needs to decide to leave for it to end.
—— By: Carla Clunis
Love is a powerful emotion that can bring out the best in people, even those who may not seem to have much potential. But what happens when you find yourself falling for someone who isn’t exactly a prince charming? Can love really transform them into an ideal partner or are they destined to remain a jerk forever? In this article, we’ll explore whether it’s possible to turn a jerk into a gentleman with love and patience.
It takes more than just words to make someone change their ways; often it requires hard work, dedication and understanding of the person as an individual before any real progress can be made. Love has been known to push us beyond our limits but does it really have the power to reshape someones personality for good? We will look at why certain jerks behave in such negative ways and how you can use love as an effective tool for transformation.
The journey from jerk to gentleman won’t happen overnight but with time, effort and lots of tender loving care anything is possible! So if you’re up for the challenge then read on as we delve deeper into the possibilities of turning your beloved bad boy around!
Characteristics Of A Jerk
A jerk is someone whose behavior is rude, inconsiderate, and selfish. They often lack empathy and respect for others, prioritizing their own needs over those of the people around them. Jerks are usually egocentric; they think that their opinion is the only one that matters and put themselves first in most situations.
Their words can be hurtful or judgmental, designed to make other people feel bad about themselves. They also tend to be argumentative and dismissive of any opinions different from theirs. When faced with criticism, jerks respond defensively rather than constructively engaging in a discussion.
Jerks may even resort to using tactics such as manipulation or intimidation in order to get what they want from others. This type of person prioritizes control over connection and uses power dynamics to maintain dominance over those who disagree with them. In short, they don’t understand boundaries or show consideration towards others.
With all this being said, it’s important to note that while some behaviors associated with being a ‘jerk’ are firmly rooted in an individual’s personality traits, many of these characteristics can be addressed through education and awareness-building activities like counseling or life coaching.
Strategies For Transformation
The process of transforming a jerk into a gentleman can be tricky, but it is not impossible. It requires patience, dedication and an understanding that change takes time. Here are some strategies for making this transformation:
First, it’s important to focus on creating positive interactions with the person in question. This means communicating clearly without being overly abrasive or critical. Showing respect and allowing them the space to express their thoughts can help foster healthy conversations and create an atmosphere of mutual understanding instead of hostility. Additionally, providing constructive feedback when appropriate can give the individual insight into how their behavior affects others and encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.
Second, taking steps towards self-improvement is key to changing someone’s attitude or behaviors. Emphasizing personal growth by reading books related to empathy and emotional intelligence can open up new perspectives on life that may lead to different ways of thinking about relationships and social dynamics. Additionally, setting realistic goals as part of a daily routine can assist in formulating healthier habits which will ultimately contribute towards lasting change over time.
Finally, surrounding oneself with people who embody qualities such as kindness, compassion and generosity will serve as a reminder of what good character looks like in action; these individuals provide support during difficult moments while also offering guidance along one’s journey towards becoming a better version of themselves. With enough effort and commitment from both parties involved, it is possible to turn any ‘jerk’ into a true gentleman!
Conclusion
It’s difficult to turn a jerk into a gentleman, but it can be done. Everyone has the potential to change and become a better person if they’re willing to put in the effort. First, one must recognize that there are certain traits which define jerks: selfishness, arrogance, and disrespect for others. Once these have been identified, strategies need to be devised to combat them. This could include learning how to communicate effectively without being condescending or dismissive of another’s opinion. It might also involve developing empathy towards others by practicing active listening and understanding their perspectives.
The most important thing is patience; Rome wasn’t built in a day! Change takes time, so don’t expect overnight miracles from someone who’s used to behaving like a jerk. You’ll need plenty of persistence and dedication as you work together towards transformation. Over time though, with enough effort on both sides, it can definitely be achieved – love really does conquer all!
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