I asked the question in a past post entitled “You’re a Jerk” of whether it was easier to turn a trick/hoe into a housewife or a jerk into a gentlemen. The short answer I have found is that it’s impossible to do either.
I’ll start this post by first admitting that I know and befriend a lot of jerks. I like jerks for the same reason many other women choose to date them. They provide a certain level of adventure and social irresponsibility you can’t find very often. Jerks are always the life of the party and they have a natural way of always getting what they want. They’re often very brutally honest individuals and live a life carefree of what others may think of them.
The problem with dating jerks is that they’re socially irresponsible and seldom care how their actions affect others. To choose to date a jerk and be successful at it, you must also become a jerk yourself. Contrary to popular belief, this particular breed of human does have feelings but their feelings are not as developed as the normal person’s.
Jerks go through life caring about very little so when you nag and stress them about how they hurt your feelings when they overslept and missed your graduation, their response will often be that of nonchalance. It’s not that your feelings don’t matter, they just don’t grasp why you care so much when they couldn’t care any less. Think they’re not listening to you go on and on? Chances are they set the phone to the side hours ago and stopped listening at “I’m disappointed.”
Having any expectations at all of a jerk is just praying for disappointment. It’s not that they don’t wish to do for others, it’s just that if the expected action doesn’t benefit them they usually forget. Give a jerk a good enough incentive and it becomes on of their top priorities. Don’t be surprised, however, if the jerk tries to find a way to get the incentive without performing whatever action you requested or grows angered/annoyed when you withhold said incentive from them. Don’t give in. Jerks only respond to fellow jerks so be prepared to stand your ground.
Like I said earlier, jerks are used to getting whatever they want upon request. For whatever reason, people adore and worship jerks. Don’t believe me? Two words: Charlie Sheen. A jerk will never take a person who has their best interests at heart too seriously or into too much consideration. They need a challenge and someone who is willing and able to struggle back and forth with them in a game of emotional tug-of-war. They need this to exercise their mental because others who don’t challenge them provide them with nothing different. Everyone else becomes drab and disposable because they serve no new purpose.
“But he said he liked/loved me!” Of course he did, he’s a jerk. For however long you had his attention, you served your purpose and he moved on to something else. This goes back to where I said that jerks have feelings, just not feelings as developed as the normal person’s. Maybe he did feel that way for a bit and maybe he really did want the same things you did at one point, but after while that grew boring for the jerk and he no longer wishes to answer your phone calls. Again, he doesn’t grasp why you care so much when he couldn’t care less. Remember jerks are socially irresponsible so don’t expect them to filter any premature feelings they may have to obtain whatever incentive is on the table.
The question I often ponder is why someone can have all of the evidence that a person they are dating is a jerk and still choose to pursue the relationship and expect that person to change. If a jerk wanted to change, they would. You can’t save a jerk from themselves. They are perfectly happy individuals and until the day they decide that their lifestyle no longer suits their needs they will continue to be that way.
Here is my 2 cents: Embrace the person you’re with (jerk or gentlemen) and decide whether a relationship with them is in your best interest. Learn from your experience and make better decisions in your future but don’t try to change people or down them for not being the person you want them to be. It takes two people to make a relationship, but only one person needs to decide to leave for it to end.
—— By: Carla Clunis
Since 2005, Singersroom has been the voice of R&B around the world. Connect with us via social media below.