A song I have been playing on HEAVY rotation lately has been “Marvin’s Room” by Drake. And then when I found out there were remixes (i.e. Teyana Taylor, Jojo, etc) it was crazy how many times I played one variation or the other. For awhile, I was seriously obsessed guys!!!
But, after awhile, the lyrics didn’t sit right with me. The more I read different blogs, comments, tweets, Facebook messages giving theirtwo cents on the reality portrayed in the lyrics, the more I became turned off. Not by the songs themselves, but by the way in which people identified so strongly with them.
I get it. We all feel like we’re better than our ex’s next. We all think about our exes and question “what if X didn’t happen” or “I wonder if they’re still feeling me,” but that gives no one the right to wedge themselves between a new budding relationship especially if their ex is happy. I don’t care if that was your ex and you feel like you’re more entitled to their time than some new girl who just appeared out of nowhere, why pursue someone who is taken?
The problem is usually these same people trying to wedge themselves between their ex and the next is that they never mean their ex any real good. They just want to see if they still got them like that. Do they still have control over that person’s emotions and does that person still care about them the same way. If they wanted, they question, can they get them back. It’s all a game to them but, take it one step further, what if you’re the next dealing with someone who may be still kinda feeling their ex?
There’s really no right answer to this. That person has to make the decision for themselves but if you know you’re fabulous and deserve someone who won’t let BS like that tarnish your relationship or deserve someone who is 100% #TeamYou, then the hard answer is you leave. Staying and fighting it out is usually the option most choose but then is the relationship even about you and the other person anymore or has it become a competition to see which girl or guy is better?
I’ve been there and when I was younger I often chose to hold on. Sometimes I’d win and sometimes I wouldn’t. Every time I held on, it wasn’t worth it and was just a waste of time and emotions. If your new dude or new girl has an ex still lurking around or anyone for that matter who doesn’t respect the relationship, honestly decide if you’re willing to be with someone who allows another to disrespect what you two are building. Let’s not get it twisted, the people who entertain these phone calls and messages aren’t innocent either. “They just keep calling me” or “I just feel bad for her/him” or “I been with them X amount of years so just can’t be rude” is not acceptable.
My belief is that once an SO’s ex, or whoever, has taken any action that shows a complete lack of respect for the current relationship then something has got to give. How do you guys feel about this? Have you ever been in a situation where it was you vs. ex? How did that turn out? Have you ever pursued an ex who was taken? Did you succeed in getting them back?
About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla’s musings on love and relationships at www.theheartmalfunctions.com where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
—— By: Carla Clunis