The Battle Between Needs & Wants: Relationship Killer?

Often, people in relationships give each other the whole “If you cheat on me it’s over speech.” That speech is more than understandable but is cheating the end all? Is it the only thing to end a relationship? Can selfishness be grounds for breaking up?

I want this, I want that! Some people tend to want everything, but do they understand the effects of not distinguishing the difference between a want and a need? The divorce rate in the United States for first time marriages is 41%, second marriages are 60% and third marriages are 73%. One of the biggest reasons for divorce is due to financial problems. In many cases the people are not disciplined enough to separate their needs from their wants. Selfishness in relationships also goes beyond finances. It can come in the form of not being able to compromise or allow your partner the opportunity to benefit equally in regards to sex or decision making.

According the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a “want” is defined as having a strong desire for something. The word “need” is defined as lack of the means of subsistence. In every arena of life, the two concepts are opposing elements (Merriam-Webster Online).

The principle behind these two basic opposing eliminates is dualism. Dualism is any theory or system of thought that recognizes two and only two independent and mutually irreducible principles or substances, which are sometimes complementary and sometimes in conflict” (Choudhury 1994). So basically needs and wants are always in conflict because they are opposites but people sometimes confuse the two. That can be dangerous in relationships.

So basically if you and your partner are able to organize your needs and wants it should help to strengthen your relationship. Coming to that common ground helps you to see eye to eye. Let’s play the need and want game.

Do you think these are needs or wants?

1. I need or want amazing sex? ___________________________
2. I need or want a brand new BMW? ______________________
3. I need or want have a house? ___________________________
4. I need or want a baby? ________________________________
5. I need or want to move to explore? ______________________

What do you ladies and gentlemen think? Can the inability to agree upon your needs and wants create conflict? Can selfishness in relationships be just as bad as cheating?

Singersroom wants to know what you think.

—— By: Karina Martinez & DOC


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