Here’s the scenario: You either just met a new dude or you are already in a relationship and one day he randomly says to you, “Baby, I just want to take things slow for right now.”
WOAH!!! HOLD ON!! WHHAATT!!! If you’re like any of the many females I know, you’re first conclusion is that this guy must really be playing games. Sayings like “taking things slow” and “let’s take a break” never translate into anything good in a new or old relationship.
For the purposes of this post, I’m going to assume that the said guy (or girl) genuinely wants to take things slow. The first thing you need to do is to determine if the guy genuinely needs this or is using it as an excuse because he is either a) not feeling you anymore or b) just wants to hit it and quit it over a period of time.
This can be the hardest part but this first step is integral to not only deciding what you should do moving forward but also what the outcome of the relationship will be. From experience, when a person wishes to genuinely take things slow they still want you around and will expect you to still be there for them.
I’m just going to say this right now. A person who wishes to put a halt on a relationship but still expects you to be around is functioning completely out of what they need or want. In other words, it is an entirely selfish act and, for however long they are feeling this way, you need to be on their terms or it won’t work. Any sign that you can not handle the space or any “extra stress” you may add to their already confusing state of mind will only push them further away. Ladies and gents, this means don’t nag them about it.
So what are you to do? The simple yet not so easy to put into practice answer is to ignore how you feel and push away any doubt in your mind that this person is playing games. Remember, this post is written under the assumption that they aren’t playing any games with you and that you have already determined that the need is genuine.
After you have kicked your feelings to the curb, be there for them. If a relationship functions regularly on a 50/50 balance, you are now holding up 90 -100% of it on your own. Many people can’t do that without complaint but if you can, the space that they need won’t last very long.
But honestly, how long are you supposed to wait and hold up the entire relationship by yourself?
Depends. If it’s a new relationship or something you are not as attached to, I would personally just let it go. If it’s something you’ve been in for awhile or have grown attached to, I personally give it between a week and three weeks. Anything longer for me warrants a break up.
About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla’s musings on love and relationships at www.theheartmalfunctions.com where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
Also, help Theheartmalfunctions.com win “Best New Blog” for the 2011 Black Weblog Award HERE.
—— By: Carla Clunis