Relationship – Snoopers Anonymous: The Different Degrees of Snoopdom

So in my last post I delved into the topic of snooping and how I felt about “snooping in moderation.”

Whether or not you have snooped or have been a victim of snooping, there are underlying reasons why a person decides to do this and different degrees of snooping. While no one likes to be snooped on, the other person doesn’t enjoy feeling like they need to snoop either. No one is really on a moral high ground and if you give your partner reason enough to snoop or you suspect them of snooping then you need to talk it out. Period..

So why do people snoop?

The Cautious Snoop
This is probably the most common snoop and one that I’m sure most of us have been at one point in our lives. This is the snoop that checks behind their partner and even sometimes their friends. If you’ve ever entered a bathroom and checked the medicine cabinets, opened a drawer that appeared slightly ajar, or checked the web history on your new boo’s computer I’m sorry to inform you but you’re a snoop.

This kind of snooping is more often than not very harmless and happens in the beginning stages of a new relationship. However, it does have the potential to backfire. What happens if you find antidepressants in that medicine cabinet or a diary with accounts of your new boo’s past sexual conquests? What if you find something out too early? Sure, you may have dodged a bullet with a potential psycho but what if what you found was all a misunderstanding and you’re walking out on someone who had the potential to be great?

The Opportunist Snoop
This snoop has no reasoning behind their actions. They snoop because you left the opportunity open for them. What? You didn’t know your unlocked cell phone was open territory to be looked in? Why in the world would you leave your drawer open and your diary half concealed if you didn’t want this snoop to look through it. Put simply, this snoop doesn’t look for things to snoop in. They snoop when something catches their eye and they are the equivalent of the person who picks up a person’s money after seeing them drop it but doesn’t say anything to them.

The All Natural Snoop
Snooping is in this person’s genetic code. They snoop on EVERYBODY and need to know EVERYTHING. However, it isn’t out of caution or insecurities but because of a natural curiosity. They are often times a control freak and need everything to go according to plan. The thing about the all natural snoop is that they find something and re-calculate their plans. They see snooping as just another way to control things or see when things may be out of their control. They oftentimes won’t tell you what they found but one day, “out of the blue” they may just decide to leave or discontinue whatever it was you two shared.

The “I Suspect You of Cheating” Snoop
This snoop irritates me. I’ve been this snoop in my earlier days of dating and it sucks being this snoop. This snoop suspects something and either because of their God-given intuition or personal insecurities, they go with it. There are two degrees of this snoop:

The Rational “I Suspect You of Cheating” Snoop
This snoop is usually a good man or woman. They haven’t stepped out on their partner and probably never felt inclined to snoop before. However, lately they have been feeling “something different” and noticing a change in their partner. They snoop not because of insecurity, but because of that aching feeling they have that something is wrong (intuition).

The Crazy “I Suspect You of Cheating” Snoop
Crazy is a harsh word. Maybe out of pure insecurities or being done very wrong in the past, this snoop needs no reason at all for their behavior and they take snooping to the next level. This is the snoop that make shows like “Cheaters” possible. They hire detectives, invade personal privacy, stalk you, have their friends try and trick you into cheating, you name it and this snoop has done it or is planning to do it. If you are this snoop or know a snoop like this, they are crying out for help. Somewhere down the line they were burned badly and never got over it. Reach out to them and find out what happened. It will take a long time for them to rebuild trust but it is possible with the proper support system.

Whether you wish to admit it or not, we’ve all been there. Which snoop are you or which have you been? Personally, I’m the Opportunist Snoop. If you don’t want me in it, then don’t leave it out is my motto.

About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla’s musings on love and relationships at www.theheartmalfunctions.com where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
—— By: Carla Clunis

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