Disclaimer: My use of the terms “good man” and “jerk” is not to imply that a guy is either one or the other. Every person has the capacity to hurt another person and to treat a completely different person as if they were made out of gold. One man’s jerk is another woman’s knight, it all depends which role he decides to play at the moment.
We’ve heard it before. Good (and bad) girls LOVE bad or dangerous men… As women, we are supposedly attracted to the guys who do absolutely NOTHING for us. We’ve also heard the reasons so I’m not going into them.
But, why don’t we ever eventually seem to flock to the good men? Why does it seem like we have to have our hearts broken at least a dozen and one times before we say we are ready to at least try a good man and then end up breaking his heart? What is it about those good men that is such a TURN-OFF!!!!???!!
Simple answer. Good men challenge us and expect us to grow from our experience with them.
I fell into my relationship with a good man by accident. Here’s what I’ve learned about good men and why we don’t favor them.
Good Men Speak a Different Language
When a jerk doesn’t return several of your phone calls, he’s no longer interested or is blocking the relationship from getting any more serious. When a good guy doesn’t answer, he fell asleep or is busy but will call you back soon. Flowers from a jerk either means he is trying to get between you and your jeans or is trying to apologize for something effed up he did. Flowers from a good guy could means he was simply just thinking about you.
Whether we want to admit it or not, good guys make us have to rethink almost everything they do because it has a totally different meaning than what we are used to. Good guys also don’t talk a lot of game and if they do their intention is to be sweet or to make us laugh while jerks 85% of the time talk game to manipulate us into giving in to something they want..
Good Men Require Us To Put In Just As Much Work As They Do
Jerks don’t care if we’re invested in the relationship or not. In fact, they probably prefer us to be less invested so when they dip out they don’t have to worry about dodging calls from unknown numbers or receiving sappy text messages about how they broke some girl’s heart. Good guys, on the other hand, do care and expect that you are working on the relationship the two of you have just like he is.
Good Men Are Not The Norm
Not that most men are bad, but a lot of men reserve showing their good qualities only to a few choice women they deem worthy. Unfortunately, we aren’t going to make the cut for a MAJORITY of the men that cross our paths no matter how hard we may try or think we are different.
In short, this has given us a familiarity with how to deal with jerks and how to handle the ups and downs that come with them. Every time a jerk stopped calling, disappeared, or did something effed up no matter how hard I tried to lie to myself I knew it was coming and I knew how to control my emotions and move on. With good men, this may not be the case..
Good Men Are The Only Ones Who Can Truly Hurt Us
Finally, piggybacking off of my last point, if a good man was to do any of the aforementioned actions it would completely confuse our mental. I thought this once when thinking of my SO that if he was to start acting like a jerk one day that I wouldn’t be able to pick myself up as easily as I would have in the past and let him go.
The thing with good men is that they have the power to potentially get deep into our hearts and then tear it apart from the inside. When a good guy turns into a jerk (or when a jerk tricks us into believing he is a good guy) we don’t function the same way and let things slide in the relationship that we wouldn’t have in the beginning.
Have you ever tried to convince a female that her man of three years was cheating on her with almost every girl he talked to? Chances are for the first year he was the best man she ever had and he probably treated her like royalty so now she’s dealing with all of that BS because it’s had to let go when you’re in that deep and a good man can take you places a jerk can’t. The potential for having to deal with that type of hurt if it ever comes to that is probably the #1 reason why I feel good men may not be a woman’s first choice.
About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla’s musings on love and relationships at www.theheartmalfunctions.com where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
—— By: Carla Clunis