Ray J: Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places?

It seems like you can’t go anywhere without coming across or hearing about a new reality dating show where (insert random celebrity with not much to lose here) looking for “love.” I’m not sure why we really tune in. We know that the celebrity and the “contestants” vying for his or her love aren’t really looking for love. They’re looking for notoriety. Yet, we keep coming back every week because we think that people will change and love will eventually bloom and take hold.

Unfortunately, love rarely does, if it even does so at all. The reunion shows always tend to reveal some level of dissatisfaction, and in some cases the relationships were over way before the reunion show even tapes. Yet, celebrity after celebrity keeps running to attach themselves to these shows. Even former contestants get shows (Tiffany “New York” Pollard and Frank “The Entertainer” come to mind).

Last year, Ray J (Brandy’s brother and singer in his own right) jumped into the fray and got his own show Vh1 “For the Love of Ray J.” That show just wrapped its second season last week with a reunion show. In the first season, he picked a Joanna “Cocktail” Hernandez, someone who was deemed a “gold digger” from her first stint on reality show “The Bad Girls Club.” Were we surprised that just a few months after the first season ended; reports came flooding in that they were broken up? Fast forward to last week’s reunion, in which Cocktail returned to taunt season two winner Mz. Berry by saying she actually saw Ray J recently. Mz. Berry indicated that she hadn’t seen Ray in five months.

The ensuing video is vile, with Ray J accusing Cocktail of losing him because she didn’t know how to set boundaries in the relationship, so he didn’t either. He calls her all kinds of expletives and appears genuinely upset that she would tell the truth about his ways not only on television, but to Mz. Berry. Let’s not forget that earlier in the show, he basically lamented that he hadn’t chosen another contestant called Jaguar!

This is not the first time this has happened, and it won’t be the last. I would say that Ray J is just using these women, but that’s not fair, because they are using him just as he was using them. Cocktail doesn’t seem to be hurt at all, and is making a little “name” for herself (if you would call it that) in celebreality-dom. Mz. Berry I am sure won’t be hurt for long either as she has probably gained enough notoriety for her modeling career.

Ray J wasn’t looking for love on his show; he was looking for attention, and more fame. Had love sprouted for him and one of the women, that would’ve been an added bonus, but the only love he was looking for, was the kind of love that comes with paid appearances at nightclubs and paparazzi.

Nobody should look for love on television because they won’t find it. Ray J, Flava Flav, Brett Michaels, and all the others definitely knew this. Don’t let them fool you. The kind of folks that say they are looking to seduce and fall in love with a celebrity on television aren’t the kind of folks that you want to be in a relationship. They’re chasing a thrill, and real loves loses its thrill sometimes, but it gives way to something way more valuable and precious: simple satisfaction.

Ray J was able to dismiss these women easily because he did not get attached, and had no intentions of getting attached in the first place. The same goes for the women. It must be saddening for Ray J to have realized that not one of those women was there for love, but for fame first, maybe love after.

Truth is, finding love is best done in private, and will usually be successfully discovered away from cameras and production assistants who willingly provide tons of alcohol and inspire tons of drama. Real love isn’t something that just develops with some makeup artists, lighting and eager cameras. No amount of fame or money is going to influence love.

—— By: Seattle Slim


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