Lessons From Ocho: 3 Desperate Apology Moves You Should Probably Ignore

Chad OchoCinco is a curious case. Obviously, the man got the blues. After losing his job, his lady, and the security of a lucrative future, the only thing this man needs to complete his one-man pity party is a harmonica and a pet gray cloud. As if his display wasn’t sore enough, in an act of mourning, or perhaps reconciliation (again, a curious case) the man with the iron clad forehead recently tattooed quite the ghastly gesture on his leg, a portrait of former wifey, Evelyn Lozada…POST divorce… Interesting… *serious side-eye*

So much to say here. So, so, so much. I too am forced to rub my forehead in response to this man’s behavior. However, even in the rubble of confusion that epitomizes this man’s life and recent actions, one thing certain prevails: He’s sowwy Kinda makes you wanna curl that bottom lip huh? But is an apology, or even being sorry enough? Guess that question can only be answered by the Juliet being serenaded to. What can be answered for however, are the reachy apologies that we should all ignore, or at least stand hella stoic on until its double packaged with some serious change. Feel me?

So yeah, let’s start with the obvious:

Chad Johnson TATTOOS Evelyn Lozada's Face on His Leg

1. A Calf Muscle Tat

Although I’m sure a high level of investment went into the homage inked on the man’s leg, it’s seems to be lacking the most important part of an apology –emotional investment. Like I’m sure it hurt, and he did it because he felt bad, but does it deliver a promise of sincere change? Negative. Typically chicks usually go gaga over grand gestures –horse and carriage moments, public engagement announcements, ish that solicits admiration and envy of other women watching -yes we live for that. And when guys pander to our pretty little pettiness, they automatically get points.Yet there’s a fine line between a grand gesture and being outlandish. Guess which side of the line a calf muscle tattoo of an ex’s whole head, neck, and collar bone falls on?

2. “I’m-A-Mess-Without-You” Guilt Trips

Can’t lie. Like I really can’t. These acknowledgements are a little flattering, in a teeny tiny evil way. Yes, deep down inside women typically relish in these moments. We always think we were the best thing that ever happened to him, and when he himself agrees, a course of action takes place, more than often. We feel propelled, obligated even, to intervene, throw on a cape and save a heaux. It’s a really effective spin move he can pull whenever he wants, because its gravitational, but for all the wrong reasons. Be leery of this one. If he really can’t live without you, make him prove it. At least for a little while. Or a great while, depending on the size of the crime.

3. The Delivery Of Old Requests

IDK, if Chad has a chance with this one, Ev’s pretty notorious for cackling in the face of an apology. Typically, though to the average pissed off GF, this one’s a knee buckler: when he remembers that thing you wanted him to get or do for you long ago, is now finally delivered. It summons those gushy “Oh he remembered” pathos that make women feel validated, oddly even after being devalued in that relationship. But hey, bands (along with bows, boxes, and shiny sh-t in general) makes her dance. Not a horrible thing, just a real thing.

Note. About to wrap this up, but before I’ll leave you sexy people with a little quote I recently pulled out of a great guy friend, and seemingly great boyfriend to his girlfriend. For obvious reasons he requested to remain anonymous: When I piss my girl off, like really, really, really piss her off and she’s really ready to leave me, I just do something nice. Buy her something, take her somewhere, whatever’s going to make her forget what she was mad about, or at least makes her way less mad than she was. Always works.

Ladies, if he knows you, then he knows you! He also knows what it would take to get back in your good graces, even if it’s a 1-trick pony. No sincerity required. So try to be a little less predictable and give him a little hell. It’s character building for both of ya. Toodles,



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