As a female I think that I have been told way too many times that either my standards are too high, I appear unapproachable, there is a shortage of good men, my attitude is a problem, I try too hard/too little, or whatever else the media and our peers force us to believe about ourselves. The bottom line is always if I want a man, I need to start doing “X” because “men aren’t perfect” and we can’t expect them to reach the standards we have set for ourselves.
I’ll only grant but so much credibility before I call a flagrant foul against women. Ladies, if you’re single it may very well be due to something you have been doing wrong, but don’t let a person who doesn’t know you very well (if at all) pass judgement on your character traits.
Our Standards Are Too High: Honestly, can we put this to rest? Most women’s standards aren’t too high. If I am a woman who has a high-paying salary, my standards wouldn’t be set too high if I expect my partner to either be working towards doing the same or already be doing such. Many women who have obtained a certain level of success in their careers are usually persecuted for wanting a man to bring something comparable to the table. Ever think that she may be alright waiting for what she deserves? She’s not single because her standards are set too high but because she chooses not to settle and is comfortable with that decision.
There Is A Shortage of Eligible Men: In certain geographical areas this very well may be the case but not everywhere. The problem with this idea is that it makes women feel like they need to compete for that new attractive bachelor sitting at the bar and ultimately places us against one another. Even amongst our friends it’s a silent game of “who can snag him first.” One of my jerk friends said it best: “There’s nothing like being the new guy at a club.” It shouldn’t be this way because there are nice single guys in every city that would be a good match for you. The problem is women have a hard time exploring and being open to things outside of their comfort zones. If you go to the same spots or do the same things, you’re going to run into the same guys who don’t interest you. Others have said it before, but be open to new people, new races, new religions, and a completely new set of guys.
My mom used to say when addressing men and relationships, that no one is ever going to be completely what you want. Perfection is unattainable and no one will be completely in sync with you and that also means you can never be perfect yourself. No amount of listening to Steve Harvey’s advice or following the media’s advice on the 5 best ways to get a boyfriend this summer will help you. The only thing that a person can do is know who they are, what they want, and ultimately being who we are.
If the men we meet aren’t up to your standards don’t just settle. Be realistic with what you want and go after it until you find it, but also be open to the possibility that someone else outside of what you may be expecting may bring you something better. When I met EmWash, there were certain things I thought were a necessity that he didn’t have. I didn’t write him off because he made me happy and made up for what I thought were shortcomings with qualities I hadn’t even given a first thought to.
When I listen to many of my female friends talk about their experiences with dating and relationships I always feel a slight disconnect. It’s always “why don’t I have a man” or “why doesn’t he appreciate me” or ” what can I do differently?” My question to them is why they feel it’s even their fault and why do we, as women, settle for relationships or dating arrangements that don’t fulfill us or make us happy? What do you guys think? Am I alone in feeling like women shouldn’t be so down on themselves when it comes to dating and should actually be expecting more? As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments.
About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla’s musings on love and relationships at www.theheartmalfunctions.com where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
—— By: Carla Clunis