Are We Raised Not Knowing How To Love?

The release of Lil Wayne’s newest music video “How To Love” has left many speechless about the amount of depth portrayed by the rapper. I’m really not a fan of the actual song but the song alongside the video did give me a lot to think about. See the video below if you haven’t already:

Powerful stuff right? Although I’m not a fan of extreme visuals being used to portray a certain message, I did like how this particular video was executed because it’s main focal point was on decisions and how they not only affect our lives but those around us. In the first 30 seconds of the video you see a mother about to abort her baby and, for whatever reason, decides otherwise. However, Wayne depicts that this decision — a decision many of us are taught is one of the most unselfish we can make, mind you, — is still not enough.

I’m not a parent and won’t be for a very long time (nothing against parenthood, just not ready for kids yet) but I did find this visual to hit very close to home because I do oftentimes find myself struggling with the issue of self love and commanding a higher self worth than what I usually accept.

I know I started this blog around the time my boyfriend and I started seeing each other and a lot of my relationships prior to him haven’t been discussed but, before Mike came into the picture, I was at a totally different place. I look back on that time and compare it to the message in this video and wonder if we, in some way, do mirror the lives and relationships of our parents.

I talk a lot on my blog about taking responsibility for our relationship habits and more often than not find blaming our parents for our issues an excuse. However, a large part of being able to take responsibility is first identifying what negative habits or beliefs carry over from our childhoods. Personally, I have a hard time finding room in my heart to wholeheartedly love someone because, growing up, it was always just my mother and I. When it came down to loving Mike and being able to let our relationship grow into what it is now, it was a constant struggle because I didn’t know what it looked like to sacrifice or be there for someone other than your child.

A lot of people in my generation grew up in environments that didn’t give them the best perception of what a loving relationship should be and essentially many of us weren’t taught how to love by our parents. The effect is that we stay in bad relationships too long, try and fail with the wrong people, are selfish in our relationships, hurt people that may care about us, etc. Breaking this cycle is NOT easy and it took me years from identifying the problem to getting a handle (still not completely fixed) on the problem. Our parents may have done a lousy job teaching us Intro to Love 101, but it is never too late to learn for ourselves and make sure we do a better job teaching the children we will have in the future.

About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla’s musings on love and relationships at where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
—— By: Carla Clunis


Since 2005, Singersroom has been the voice of R&B around the world. Connect with us via social media below.

View all posts by Singersroom →