There’s a difference between being in love with love and believing in it. I was never an avid fan of being in love with it as I always thought being in love with an idea is a surefire way to set you up for failure. Many of my past relationships where I felt some form of love fell apart not because that’s just how life is but because one or both of us decided we no longer wished to be with the other.
Did it hurt when the person making the decision to part ways wasn’t me?
Horribly. I can manage rejection from a stranger who may not know me all that well but managing rejection from someone who does know you is hard.
What happens to most of us after having to face this type of rejection?
We start to lose faith that the very thing we never should have been in love with in the first place (love) doesn’t work and is foolish to put effort into. We start to look at the all of the multitudes of failed relationships that surround us and say to ourselves that we are no different so why make love a priority. It’s foolish and eventually something will happen and the love will fade away.
If that couple couldn’t work, why would anyone I decide to love work?
Oftentimes, I think to myself what makes the difference between couples with staying power and the ones that fail. Was fate just working in their favor? Did their individual situations just allow for their relationship to be easier? What about the relationships that seem to have gone through hell and come out living their own version of heaven on earth…were they just lucky?
I’ve found that none of these things make the difference. What truly makes the difference are the individuals involved. Relationships last because two people choose to withstand the stuff life throws at us and they choose to face the hardships together instead of shutting down and forcing the other out.
The difference is YOU.
The difference isn’t only about you, but also about your attitude and who you allow yourself to give your time to vs. waste your time with. If there’s one lesson I retained from the chauvinistic ramblings of my father it was the notion that if a person wants to be with you, they will be. No question mark. No ellipsis. No comma. Just a straight PERIOD or exclamation point.
For love to conquer all, it requires all the work and energy you TWO have to withstand the many curve balls life throws at it. Love is an action and if both people ACT on their love for the other and take ACTION towards resolving problems TOGETHER why wouldn’t your relationship last. Cynicism is love’s greatest conqueror and with it no relationship will last. Unfortunately, cynicism has taken hold of the hearts and minds of many people who claim to be so in love with the idea of love.
About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla’s musings on love and relationships at www.theheartmalfunctions.com where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
—— By: Carla Clunis