When I was a young girl growing up in Brooklyn my mother always used to say to me that my body was my temple. The topic of boys wasn’t discussed without my mother spitting those 5 famous words at least three times (the beginning, middle, and end of the conversation). My mom would be glad to know that her words stuck with me well into my adult life, but perhaps not so happy that they didn’t translate to me the way she may have hoped.
Abstinence was never really my thing because the benefits behind the decision (a clear head, strong self-love, appreciation for my body, etc.) I already possessed. With that being said, I don’t and never had a problem with abstinence or those who choose to abstain. My problem is with women who choose to abstain or make the decision to go on a mancation because of a dude or recent heartbreak. I don’t see how these “periods of abstinence” honor you or your body in any way because they are only being enforced because of your personal insecurities or to forcefully defend yourself from the opposite sex. You aren’t trying to find God or do some inner soul-searching. Stop lying, you’re trying to find false assurance that the next guy won’t do you like the last guy.
“I Think It’s Time I Waited Until Marriage” I’m sorry but you didn’t think of that BEFORE you let the entire college football team run through you during undergrad? I’m not saying abstaining until marriage is a bad thing but don’t position your decision to make yourself look like an faux angel (i.e. born again virgin). News Flash: These don’t exist and you’re not fooling anyone. You feel bad for letting loose a bit too much and you’re really trying to work on your image. I get it and so does everyone else. When Mr. Paid Fine Piece of Chocolate comes along, you’ll ditch the “waiting until marriage” bit to sing “abstinence is so overrated” soon after he showers you with the same kind of false affection and attention you received from all the others before. In the next couple of months you’ll switch right back to the born again virgin bit.
“I’m Going To Wait Until The Right Guy Comes Along” Not as bad as the born again virgin but it’s really almost the same concept. Instead of worrying about a bad image, you’re trying to mask a broken heart and damaged ego. However, as soon as the next guy comes along who shows you the same kind of interest, the tune will change from pro-abstinence to pro-new guy. And the cycle will once again continue…
“It’s Only Temporary” Right, and how long exactly is temporary? Again, this decision to abstain had to do with some guy who screwed you over. Temporary mancations only last as long as it takes for your heartbreak to subside and for you to get over your ex. Honestly, this really shouldn’t qualify as abstinence because it’s an elongated stage of a person’s healing process after a bad breakup. When you’re heart is broken you really aren’t in the mood to deal with anyone else because your mind is still focused on your ex (a good reason why rebounds often don’t work). If the ex was to come back, you’re mancation would find an abrupt halt.
See a pattern here? Not only do I see a pattern, but I see one continuous cycle where women try and play some sort of game where their most precious private part becomes a high priced commodity that can be bought with the right attitude and a nice smile from a gentleman.
In my opinion, abstinence isn’t to be taken lightly and I applaud the women who are doing it for themselves and not to prove a point or as a defense mechanism from heartbreak. People who are truly abstinent have a strong foundation and detailed guidelines that they are committing to.
The Cut-Off Period/Good Follow Through: A good vow of abstinence is not complete without a set cut off period that does not depend on an outside source. If you are waiting until marriage, that is your personal commitment and you follow through regardless of whether a good man comes along or not. If you made a vow of abstinence for a year, you fight through the sexual urges that may arise or any temptations that may come up because you are personally doing it for yourself.
Adding Intimacy By Other Means: Following through on a vow of abstinence can be very difficult at times, especially if you are in a serious relationship with someone for a long period of time. After talking to a few people who have done so successfully, one thing they all had in common was finding other ways to be intimate with each other and finding ways to connect with one another. Keep it simple, yet creative.
The Purpose: It goes without saying but to stay on track with a true vow of abstinence there needs to be both a purpose and set goals you’re trying to attain. The stronger your reason and commitment to following through, the easier it is to succeed.
About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla’s musings on love and relationships at www.theheartmalfunctions.com where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
Also, help Theheartmalfunctions.com win “Best New Blog” for the 2011 Black Weblog Award HERE.
—— By: Carla Clunis
We all tell little white lies sometimes, but what happens when they turn into something bigger? Lying about being abstinent is a common occurrence among young adults and can have serious consequences. In this article, we’ll look at the dangers of pretending to be abstinent in order to fit in with peers and how it can lead to poor mental health and other issues down the line. Let’s take a closer look at why lying about abstinence isn’t worth it and how teens can stay safe and build healthy relationships.
Lies are never a good idea, especially when it comes to important topics like sex and sexual health. Unfortunately, many teens feel pressured to pretend they’re living an “abstinent lifestyle” even if they aren’t truly doing so. This kind of deception can cause long-term damage not only mentally, but also physically. Teens who lie about their sexual activity may put themselves in risky situations that could affect them for years or even decades after the fact.
It’s essential that teenagers understand both the physical and emotional risks associated with lying about being abstinent. Not only does dishonesty cloud judgment, but it can also make one more prone to making bad decisions without considering possible consequences first. Knowing the truth will help young people form healthier habits as well as safer relationships going forward – let’s explore this further in our discussion on ‘Stop Lying: You’re Not Really Abstinent.’
Understanding Abstinence
Abstinence is a personal choice in which an individual abstains from certain activities, usually sexual activities. It’s practiced for many different reasons, such as religious beliefs or health concerns. For some individuals, abstinence is the only form of protection against sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.
Abstinence doesn’t necessarily mean complete celibacy; instead it involves refraining from engaging in any type of sexual activity that could lead to pregnancy or an STD. This can include avoiding intimate contact with members of the opposite sex, using birth control methods such as condoms or diaphragms, and being mindful of one’s own boundaries regarding physical intimacy.
It takes determination and self-control to remain abstinent – this isn’t something that happens overnight. A person must be willing to make difficult decisions and have trust in their own abilities to stay true to their commitment of remaining abstinent. Therefore, accusing someone who claims they are abstinent of lying is unfair and disrespectful because there may be numerous factors motivating them to do so that you don’t know about.
Benefits Of Honesty
Adhering to the truth is crucial for a person’s personal integrity and sense of self-worth. Being honest about one’s intentions, motivations, or circumstances can be extremely difficult, but it ultimately leads to greater peace in life. Honesty builds trust between individuals, which can lead to deeper relationships and even open up opportunities that wouldn’t have been available before. It also sets an example for others, encouraging them to be truthful as well.
In order to practice honesty in all aspects of life – including maintaining abstinence – it requires courage and strength. Acknowledging one’s true feelings or thoughts may not always come easily, especially if they are unpopular or seen as taboo by society. However, being honest with oneself helps create greater clarity on what someone truly wants out of life and how to achieve it. Furthermore, honesty will keep people accountable so they stay committed to their decisions while also allowing others to understand where they stand better.
By speaking honestly about abstinence and other sensitive matters, people can encourage each other towards making positive choices that benefit themselves and those around them. Open communication creates a safe environment rooted in mutual respect which allows everyone involved to learn from each other without fear of judgement or criticism.
Conclusion
I. Abstinence is a personal choice that should be respected regardless of the individual’s beliefs or opinions. It is important to remember that it can take many forms and does not always mean abstaining from all sexual activities.
II. That being said, if someone claims to be abstinent yet continues to engage in sexual activities, they are lying about their abstinence and this dishonesty can have serious consequences for both them and those around them. Being honest about one’s decisions regarding sex is essential for maintaining healthy relationships with others and having an accurate understanding of our own sexuality.
III. When we stop lying about abstaining—or anything else, really—we open up opportunities for meaningful conversations, positive growth, and genuine connection with ourselves and others. Ultimately, honesty helps us live our most authentic lives which leads to better mental health outcomes and healthier relationships overall. So let’s commit to telling the truth when it comes to matters of sex and abstinence—for our sake as well as the people around us.
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