So, I’m on the phone with a male friend of mine when he tells me that him and his girl of two years broke up. He then goes on and on about how much he did for her and how much she (and all women in his past) never appreciated anything that he has done.
Fast forward and I’m having a conversation with my SO about one of his exes and he recites something similar that my male friend said which was that he felt that girls in his past didn’t appreciate him.
Both of them came to the conclusion that they should alter their behavior and become jerks. Neither of them have it in them to do so but this really got me thinking.
Do the unappreciated black men turn into the jerks we as women despise? Are we the reasons that chivalry and the idea of a “good, wholesome black man” has died? As a female, we are almost hardwired to believe that WE are the unappreciated ones in relationships while guys are the ones who couldn’t care less about the things we do for them.
I like to surround myself with good people and of the good people I surround myself with are good, black men. Most of these men are single and NOT looking for anything serious and are “playing the field.” This “playing the field” consists of going out, meeting women, casually sexing women, and redoing this ritual the next weekend.
I’m just the female friend so I don’t see the harm or that these guys I think of as good examples of good black men are really out there feeding into “all n*gg*s ain’t shyt” mentality women harbor. Peeling the onion another layer, I asked a few of these male friends why they no longer wish to commit and most of the responses were along the lines of some woman or many women not appreciating them for the good they offered them or a woman they really cared for that cheated on them.
Big deal!! Almost every woman has been there, I thought. But maybe that’s the difference, when women are hurt we nag, we cry, we throw a fit, and then we move on and hope our love is better received somewhere else. Guys shut down completely and any woman who comes afterward is doomed to having half of the man (if even that) that the last woman had.
This plagued my relationship for some time and I’ve found that the only way to do battle with the “unappreciated black man” is to over appreciate him without coming off as psycho, clingy, or any qualities that can be deemed “crazy.”
Something as simple as “thank you” even for mundane things such as holding the door open for you or carrying your heavy suitcase up a flight or stairs goes a long way and shows a guy that you genuinely appreciate him. If he takes you out to dinner, offer to pay half and if he rejects thank him with a hug and a kiss when the two of you are walking out of the restaurant.
Leave no gesture, big or small, unnoticed. Remember, no one owes you anything and your SO does what he does for you out of the kindness of his heart or the hard on in his jeans. Feelings of entitlement only make the unappreciated male feel more unappreciated and it only cause more harm than good for your relationship.
About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla’s musings on love and relationships at www.theheartmalfunctions.com where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
Also, help Theheartmalfunctions.com win “Best New Blog” for the 2011 Black Weblog Award HERE.
—— By: Carla Clunis
The African American community has been systematically let down by the very people who should be protecting it. Despite its contributions to society, love for the black man remains unappreciated and often overlooked. He is denied equality in almost every aspect of life – from education, to housing, to employment opportunities – leaving him feeling forgotten and unheard. This article seeks to shed light on the plight of the unappreciated black man and explore how his struggle can be better recognized and supported.
It’s no secret that racism still exists today, but perhaps one of its biggest victims are black men. From being harassed by law enforcement, to facing an unwarranted level of scrutiny in job interviews, they have experienced a lifetime of discrimination based solely on their race. As a result, many have felt unable to reach their full potential or truly live a free life without fear or judgement. The injustice faced by African American males is both heartbreaking and unacceptable; yet there has been little progress made towards rectifying this issue.
This article will discuss why it has become so important to recognize and appreciate the struggles faced by black men in our society today. It will also provide insight into ways we can do more to ensure that all members of our community feel safe, respected and heard regardless of skin color or gender identity. By doing so, we can work together as a collective unit towards creating a fairer world for everyone involved – including those who remain unappreciated: the African American male population
Historical Context
The plight of the African American man has been a long and hard one. From being forced into slavery to facing discrimination, oppression, and violence in the present day, it is clear that this group of people have not gotten their fair share. Unfortunately, many don’t even appreciate what black men bring to society; love.
Black men are often seen as aggressive or threatening just because of the color of their skin. But they are capable of great compassion and understanding; something that should be appreciated more than it is today. Despite all the negative stereotypes associated with them, these men continue to show incredible strength and resilience when faced with adversity. They provide support for those around them and are willing to go above and beyond for their loved ones without expecting anything in return.
And yet too often we fail to recognize how much black men contribute to our communities through acts of love. Whether it’s teaching young children important lessons about life or providing guidance for those on difficult paths, their presence can make a huge difference in someone’s life. We need to start showing appreciation for all that black men do—not just from an individualistic perspective but from a collective one as well—so they can feel valued and respected members of society who deserve recognition for their contributions.
Challenges Faced By African American Men
In spite of their generous hearts and willingness to provide support, the African American man faces numerous challenges. For starters, they are more likely than any other racial group to be incarcerated or die from police brutality. In addition, they experience higher rates of poverty and unemployment compared to white males due to systemic racism. The educational system is another area that does not work in their favor; black boys are suspended at a rate three times greater than their white peers, which leads to them being less successful in school overall.
The lack of social acceptance can also take its toll on these men’s mental health. Many feel as though they have no one to turn to when things get tough because there is so much stigma surrounding them. This leaves them feeling isolated and alone with nowhere to express themselves without fear of judgement or reprisal. As if this wasn’t enough, society often paints black men as angry and hostile instead of recognizing all the love that they give back into the world despite facing such adversity every day.
It’s time we start acknowledging how hard it is for many African American men just trying to make ends meet while dealing with oppression and injustice regularly throughout their lives. We must recognize their strength and resilience even in the face of overwhelming odds against them—and offer our appreciation for all that they do out of love for others too. By doing so, we will help create a better future where everyone feels respected regardless of race or gender identity.
Conclusion
I. Summary of Challenges Faced by African American Men
African American men have faced a long history of challenges and oppression, from slavery to the Civil Rights Movement right up until today. This has had an intense effect on their ability to find love and appreciation in society. These challenges include racism, discrimination, economic inequality, lack of access to education, homelessness, police brutality and mass incarceration.
II. Love as a Form of Healing for African American Men
Love can be a powerful form of healing for black men who are often left feeling unappreciated or forgotten about in society. It is important that they receive love not just from partners, but also from family members, friends and even strangers to help them cope with daily struggles and build self-esteem. With this kind of support and understanding, these men can take steps towards creating positive change in their lives and communities.
III. Conclusion
The importance of showing love to African American men cannot be overstated; it serves as a source of strength during times when they feel most vulnerable. Despite facing systemic issues like racism and poverty which prevent many from achieving success, there is hope for those willing to fight against oppression through acts such as expressing love and compassion towards others within their community. Every person deserves respect regardless of race or gender identity – so let’s show our appreciation for all people equally!
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