In comedian-turned-relationship-expert Steve Harvey’s latest book, Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep and Understand a Man, Steve simply states, “We [men] don’t take any pleasure in your being alone, but we’re certainly not going to take the blame for it either.” If you’re a single female, you might find yourself blaming the “lack of eligible bachelors” for your relationship status. However, if you’ve been solo for a while (and not by choice), it might be a good time to take a look at how you might be to blame. Here are five surefire ways to determine if the problem may not be the men you’re dating, but you:
Problem: You have a long list of expectations.
It’s completely understandable to look for certain characteristics and traits in men, but it might be a bit over-the-top to have a laundry list of requirements that every man must meet before you even give him the slightest chance. This will not only limit the pool of men you have to choose from, but it will also likely result in you looking for someone who quite possibly doesn’t exist.
Solution: Choose three-five key qualities you’d definitely want your future man to have, and look for guys that possess those traits. Allow yourself to be flexible on everything else.
Problem: You think that all of the good men are taken.
Maybe your last boyfriend was an asshole, or perhaps you just can’t seem to meet a great guy, but that certainly doesn’t mean they don’t exist. You have to be optimistic in your quest for love.
Solution: Be more open when you’re out. You should also consider asking a friend or coworker to hook you up with someone that he or she knows well, trusts and would vouch for.
Problem: You think men are intimidated by you.
As Steve Harvey eloquently put it in Straight Talk, No Chaser, “the notion that a guy is ‘intimidated by your success’ is nothing more than an excuse- a convenient way for some women to rationalize why they’re alone.”
Solution: If you’ve ever felt that men were intimidated by you, let that “excuse” go. Instead, share your success story- and your desire to find love- with the next man you meet that you like.
Problem: You never seem to meet men.
If you go out (say a happy hour or cultural event) at least once a week, and you still can’t seem to meet any worthy men, you might want to reevaluate the vibe you’re giving off.
Solution: Men are more likely to talk to an approachable girl so you’ll want to smile and even make eye contact with potential suitors when you’re out and about. You should even ask a friend to critique you on how you react to men in public. Also, consider online dating especially if you don’t live in a major city where you’re more likely to meet people.
Problem: You don’t have time to date.
If you’re a single mother, or have a really demanding job, it’s understandable that you might have limited time when it comes to dating. However, if you don’t plan on being single forever, you have to find time.
Solution: Make time! Ask a friend to babysit sometimes, or go out on the weekends instead of curling up in front of the TV. Someone once told me, “Being in a relationship is like a full-time job.” If that’s true, then looking for a relationship must be very similar to a job search, which means you have to put in effort to change your current status.
—— By: Crystal Tate
Do you ever feel like something is missing from your relationships? Are the same issues driving a wedge between you and your partner, no matter how hard either of you try to fix it? If so, there’s one thing that could be causing the disconnect: You. It may sound harsh, but when it comes to relationships and sex, sometimes it ain’t him – it’s YOU!
It can be difficult to accept that we are responsible for our own unhappiness in a relationship. We tend to blame external factors and even our partners for the problems we face; however, the truth is often more complicated than this. The reality is that all relationships require effort from both people involved if they want to work out. In order to make sure each individual in the partnership feels happy and secure in their bond, both parties must take responsibility for their part in making things better or worse.
If you’re struggling with understanding what role you play in any troubles within your relationship, don’t worry – help is here! This article will explore why self-reflection is key when tackling some of the most common issues couples experience today. By identifying where we need improvement on an individual level, we can then start building healthier foundations for stronger partnerships. So let’s get started by taking a look at why ‘it ain’t him – it’s you!’
Identifying Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
It’s always hard to accept that a relationship isn’t working out, especially if you feel like you’re doing everything right. The truth is that many of us have self-sabotaging behaviors we don’t recognize and these can be the real culprit in relationships gone wrong. It’s important to take an honest look at yourself and identify any patterns or habits that could be causing your romantic woes.
One common way people sabotage their relationships is by having unrealistic expectations – expecting too much from their partner or putting too much pressure on them to meet all of their needs. This type of behavior often leads to disappointment, frustration, and resentment when things don’t go as planned. Another form of self-sabotage is avoiding conflict altogether instead of dealing with issues head-on. Unfortunately, this usually results in feelings of anger and resentment building up until it eventually explodes into a huge fight.
Finally, some people unconsciously engage in destructive behaviors such as flirting with others or lying about themselves in order to keep partners interested. These forms of manipulation are not only damaging for the individual but also for any potential relationships they may want down the line. Recognizing unhealthy coping mechanisms and replacing them with more positive ones will help create healthier relationships with better outcomes in the long run.
Building Healthy Relationship Boundaries
Once you’ve identified any self-sabotaging behaviors, it’s time to take action and build healthier boundaries in your relationships. Setting clear limits around what is acceptable for both parties helps create a safe space where trust can flourish. This means being honest about your needs and expectations but also respecting the other person’s wants and desires. Mutual respect is key when it comes to establishing healthy relationship boundaries.
It’s important to be assertive yet firm with these boundaries – don’t be afraid to say “no” if something doesn’t feel right or comfortable. It’s also essential that partners communicate openly and honestly with each other so they know exactly where they stand. This allows everyone to express their feelings freely without fear of judgment or consequence.
Having well-defined boundaries will ensure that all parties involved are on the same page when it comes to relationship expectations and ultimately lead to greater satisfaction and happiness within the partnership. With proper communication, understanding, and respect, couples can foster a strong connection built on mutual trust – one that will last for years to come.
Conclusion
It’s time to take a hard look at yourself and identify any self-sabotaging behaviors that may be standing in the way of your relationship success. Maybe you’re too clingy, or maybe you don’t put enough effort into getting to know someone before committing. Either way, understanding why these things occur can help you create healthy boundaries for future relationships.
Once you have identified what those self-sabotaging behaviors are, it’s important to start making changes so that they no longer stand in the way of finding love. I encourage you to practice mindfulness when it comes to your thoughts and actions as this will lead to healthier decisions overall. Additionally, knowing how to establish clear boundaries with partners is also essential because without them there can be misunderstandings which might cause unnecessary drama down the road.
Ultimately, it’s up to us as individuals to recognize our own limitations and strive towards creating healthy relationships! Once we become aware of ourselves and learn how to better communicate with others, then we can move forward in life with confidence and peace of mind. So don’t blame him – girl it ain’t him, it’s YOU!
Since 2005, Singersroom has been the voice of R&B around the world. Connect with us via social media below.
