I’ll be one of the first people to admit that I LOVE being in a committed relationship. When I date, I date for the sole purpose of eventually finding someone I want to commit to. However, that’s the thing most people don’t get. Dating someone and committing to someone are two totally separate things and the latter should not be rushed into or expected before some time has gone by and you have really gotten to know the person.
In undergrad I used to meet guys all of the time and a nice selection of them would be interested in going on a date or two to see where things would lead. People who honestly understand and can keep it real with what dating really is should know that any guy or girl you meet and “start dating” most likely has other guys or girls lurking around that they have been or currently are dating.
Guys won’t tell us this because there’s a stigma involved with keeping it real when dating and letting a woman know that she isn’t the only one in the running for their affection. As much as we may want to deny it, women don’t really take the knowledge of competition very well and would much rather catch an attitude and walk away over just letting things run their natural course. It’s not that guys lie, it’s that not too many women can handle that very honest truth and they want to keep us around.
As women and because guys don’t tell us the whole story, we often fool ourselves into believing that a guy is committing to us to some capacity during the dating period. For whatever reason, we then enter a phase of “pre-commitment” with a person who “isn’t quite yet our SO.” I know I started this paragraph saying “women” but men can also be guilty of this as well.
Pre-commitment, in short, is setting yourself up for failure and it only happens when one person has spit the line, “I’m just not trying to commit right now” or any variations of this that also includes the “I just need to get myself together before I can do a relationship” line. In return, we report back to our friends that “while X isn’t our gf/bf, we’re talking for right now.” Come again?
Actually, I understand keeping your friends in the loop about what’s going on. My thing is when another fine specimen of a human being approaches you and you shut them down because “you’re talking to someone.” I need someone to please explain to me what “talking to someone” is and why it warrants someone to not “talk to” other people. In my book, “talking to” still means you’re single and dating and when you’re single and dating you can “talk to” whoever the hell else you want! If I want to “talk to” Tom, Dick, and Harry I’m going to talk to Tom, Dick, and Harry until one of them decides they want to step up to the plate and take me serious enough to commit with and to me.
But how can you tell when a person is ready to commit? Honestly, I believe they tell you. Before entering into a relationship, they will either let you know how exclusive they want to be or you ask them to make sure you’re on the same page. My pre-commitment #epicfail told me every time I brought the topic up he wasn’t ready. I was mad at him at the time for wasting my time but he was honest. I look back and see it was my fault for chasing a fool’s dream and being to quick to commit to someone who “just wasn’t ready.”
I don’t really think there is a wrong or right person with this. A person has every right to not want to commit to you and we don’t have the right to demand or expect commitment from them. Commitment is a two-way street and if you feel you’re on a one-way road then pre-committing isn’t going to make things happen faster but only add more stress and expectation to a situation you already want more out of. As hard as it is to do, don’t be so quick to get sold on one commitment phobe and keep your options open until you have the same level of commitment you want.
About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla’s musings on love and relationships at www.theheartmalfunctions.com where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
—— By: Carla Clunis
Relationships and love – why do we rush into them so quickly? We’ve all been there: that head-over-heels feeling of excitement, the promise of a new connection. But what happens when these feelings lead to commitment too soon? It’s an issue that many people face in their romantic lives, but it doesn’t have to be this way.
In this article, we’ll explore some of the reasons why we’re quick to commit and how to make sure our relationships are healthy and sustainable. From understanding ourselves better to asking the hard questions before making a big decision, there are ways to ensure that your relationship is built on more than just fleeting emotions.
If you’re struggling with commitment or want advice for navigating your own relationship journey, read on! This article has everything you need to know about taking things slow and seeking out meaningful connections.
Reasons For Rushing Into Commitment
Committing to a relationship can be an exciting and overwhelming time for both parties involved. Many people may find themselves wanting to rush into things without taking the necessary time to get to know one another well enough first. There are several reasons why someone might jump quickly into commitment, such as fear of missing out or feeling like they’re not getting any younger.
Fear of missing out is often a key factor in making quick decisions when it comes to relationships and love. People today live in a world where everything moves at lightning speed, so if something feels right, there’s a tendency to want to secure it before somebody else does. This can lead them down a path where they make rash decisions about relationships that could have long-term consequences later on.
Feeling like you’re not getting any younger is also another common reason why some people might feel inclined to commit too soon. They think that if they don’t take advantage of their current situation now, they won’t have the same chances again in the future. It’s important for individuals who fall under this category to remember that there will always be opportunities available; whether it be tomorrow or 10 years from now doesn’t matter – what matters most is finding someone with whom you share mutual understanding and respect.
When dealing with issues related to relationships and love, having patience should be your number one priority because rushing through anything rarely leads to positive outcomes in the end. Taking your time allows couples more space to explore each other’s personalities while learning how far their compatibility stretches beyond physical attraction alone.
Benefits Of Taking Time To Get To Know Each Other
Taking the necessary time to get to know each other before committing can be beneficial in a number of ways. It allows couples to build trust and understand one another on a deeper level, which is essential for any successful relationship. Additionally, it ensures that both parties are equally invested and less likely to feel taken advantage of or disappointed down the line.
Having more time also gives people the opportunity to explore their feelings without feeling rushed or pressured into making decisions they may later regret. This helps them determine whether their connection is genuine or if it’s merely based on physical attraction alone. People who take their time when considering commitment have an easier time navigating through disagreements because they already have built up strong communication skills from all the conversations they’ve had with each other beforehand.
Finally, taking things slow provides individuals with enough space to figure out what kind of relationship works best for them personally – whether it’s monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, etc. Allowing yourself this freedom gives you room to make sure your expectations match those of your partner while preventing potential issues further down the road.
Conclusion
We all have different approaches when it comes to relationships and love. Some of us are quick to commit, while others take things more slowly. It’s important to understand why someone might be rushing into commitment so that we can better assess our own feelings and expectations in the relationship.
For those who rush into a relationship, there may be a number of factors at play—from fear of being alone or of missing out on something special, to simply feeling an emotional connection right away and wanting to explore it further. Whatever their reasons for doing so, they deserve understanding and respect as they learn how to navigate the world of dating and romance.
On the other hand, taking time to get to know each other is beneficial too. This allows both parties involved to really think about what they want from one another before making any big decisions, which can help avoid misunderstandings down the line. Ultimately, whatever path you choose should feel right for you personally; only then will your relationship truly blossom.
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