The answer: It’s never okay for anyone to hate on another person whether it’s justified or not. But hating on someone is tolerated a lot because it’s as natural as blinking.

I’m guilty of it. A coworker of mine won an iPhone in a raffle during a company meeting and I have to admit, for 3 seconds I hated her. I’m not talking about hate to the point where I wanted something bad to happen to her. I just hated her to the point where I believed she didn’t deserve the phone more than me. I can’t even explain why.

You may be reading this and shaking your head, but don’t judge. Everyone hates on someone. A lot of us hate on multiple people everyday. Something buried deep within the subconscious creates the hate; and within a split second it surfaces.

I asked a close friend what he thought about the subject. He laughed and said, “the better question is, when is it not okay to hate? Good things can happen when you hate.” He reminded me of a time we were at a party. My friend saw a beautiful woman he wanted to talk to, but some guy beat him to the punch. My friend patiently waited as the guy put his game to work. Well, fifteen minutes later my friend noticed the girl finished her drink, and had a bored look on her face. The guy was so wrapped up in what he had to say he didn’t even notice the woman needed another drink. He just kept talking and talking and talking. So, my friend had a waiter send her a new drink, which sent that woman’s attention his way for the rest of the night.

Because my friend had intentions of talking to the woman, I was fine with the way he handled his hate. But all hate isn’t tolerated. There is nothing wrong with hating on someone to make you feel better—as long as you keep it to yourself. It’s unacceptable when your subconscious hate dictates your physical actions.

A close female friend of mine is constantly the victim of unjustified hate. She has a roommate that on several occasions has stolen men from her. These guys are never an interest of the roommate until my friend starts liking them or the guys start liking my friend. That’s when the roommate begins her flirting tactics. It’s one thing for the roommate to think she is smarter or more attractive than my friend but to steal my friend’s men to boost her self-confidence is unacceptable.

Now, don’t feel like your doctor diagnosed you with a terminal disease. Everything will be fine as soon as you embrace the fact that we all hate. Just try and make sure that your hateful thoughts don’t become your hateful actions.