There’s something about the idea of “stability” that never sat well with me. Maybe I’m too young to understand its importance or the possibility of what “stability” really looks like. Maybe I’ve thrived so much on jumping from opportunity to opportunity that instability has become all that is recognizable to me. One thing I do know…neither Mike or I are “stable” by anyone’s definitions.
When a person says they seek someone with “stability”….what does that even mean? Even a man with a good job, nice home, sane mind, and sizable income can present their own set of challenges when introduced to a female of the same caliber. However, so many of us hold on so tightly to the term “stability” that the term cripples our relationships when we notice even the slightest crack in the “stability” of our partners.
Are we so afraid of instability that we run away when things get too serious and more cracks start to appear?
Let’s step away from relationships with significant others for a minute and even look at the relationships we have with our family members. The “stability” there is never in how well or smoothly the relationship is going. If we were honest with ourselves, we’d probably even find that there is no more tumultuous relationship than that between siblings, or parents and their children, or even cousins. However, these are also our most stable.
Whoever said that a good relationship equaled smooth sailing until death do you two part…lied. They sold you a bridge in Brooklyn at top value and forgot to hand you the title. I can’t count the number of times that my boyfriend has done or said something that irritated almost every nerve in my body but I also can’t count the number of times he has made me smile or made my day brighter just by being a part of it.
Through all the arguing, disagreements, misunderstandings, utter frustrations, etc. there’s something that sparks when all of that instability has settled that brings every good relationship back to a good place. You can go from being “that couple” to being “the couple” and the only stability necessary is knowing that the two of you can and do share something special with the other. Don’t let the messiness of being together taint your view of what’s real.
About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla’s musings on love and relationships at www.theheartmalfunctions.com where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
—— By: Carla Clunis